I lack follow through

You know when you are doing laundry and the last load stays in the drier for DAYS before it ever makes it out to get folded? You "fluff" the laundry everyday, at least once a day, and still it never makes it out until next week's load from the washer needs to go in. This is how I would describe my life. I plan and plan and plan and sometimes I get started, but I very rarely finish things. I like to claim that I get bored before I finish, but really I just lack follow through.

Examples:

-I started this blog before the birth of my first son...in 2008. I have a handful of meaningless posts and still claim that I will get better.

- I have fabric and a pattern in hand for a really cute skirt I would like to make, but every time I look at it and think that I should start it I find something else I need to do.

-I got a BS in Psychology knowing the only thing I could really do with it is go on to grad school and yet, 5 years later, I still have a BS.

-I planned out pages for a quiet book for Bentley that I have yet to start.

-I have two cupcake cookbooks that I would eventually love to make every recipe from. I have made 2. I have had them for 2 years.

There are so many things I would like to say I've done in my life and yet I do nothing about it. I want to be inspirational. I want people to look at me and say, "Wow! I want to grow up to be like her someday." I used to do things with my life and now I'm a mom. And don't get me wrong, I love being a mom. But I want to be Erica again. I used to act, and play music, and sing, and write, and lose weight. Now I struggle to find time to do anything for myself. And when I do find the time, I also find an excuse to do nothing. Or play Minesweeper.

I have a friend right now who is in the process of trying to get published. (BTW, you should totally check her out here.) I have an idea for a book, but it has yet to amount to anything other than ideas in the shower. I have another friend who has run multiple marathons. I am currently training for a half-marathon and am starting to freak out that I may be in WAY over my head. I have a friend at the gym who has lost 118 pounds and kept it off. I lost 20 in college and then gained it back and then some after getting married. Then I lost 35 pounds and got pregnant and gained 60. I am still 50 pounds away from my goal and my baby is 4 months old (ugh). I have so many friends who have done so many things. I look at their amazing photographs and items of clothing they have made or books they have written or amazing cakes they have made etc. etc......And I often just sit and wonder what I have to show for my 26 years of life.

I have an amazing husband and two of the cutest kids in the world, but those are gifts given to me by my Father in Heaven. I didn't really have a ton to do with that. I, with my fabulous BS is Psychology, work at the Kid's Club in a gym. I don't make blankets, I don't knit, I don't do my hair, I feel fat in all my clothing and I generally feel blah about who I am. I need that kick in the pants to be something great. I make lists all the time of things I want to change and who I want to be and what I want to do. Rarely does it amount to anything but that, though. It's just a list. An empty enumeration of things I will probably never do anything with or about. I meet these fabulous people, who probably think they are nothing special, who I would love to be compared to. One day I'd like others to want to be compared to me. I want to be something special. Special because of who I am, not just how cute my kids are. I need to find a special purpose that is mine, selfishly and solely mine. I love my family, but I need this for me. I need to be good at something again and feel important because of who I am and what I do. I need to add "Erica" back to my list of titles.

Serious Catch Up

Well, since it has been forever since I've posted (just get used to it people) and all three of my boys are still asleep (late night), I figured I'd trying and give some sort of recap to the last 6 or so months of our lives.

So, I guess the biggest event was the birth of our second son. On March 19, 2011, we welcomed Cavander Elijah Farnsworth into our lives. (His name is pronounced like lavender, just fyi.) I had pretty much the easiest labor and delivery anyone could ever ask for. My pregnancy was a little different story. A few months before I was due, I separated my pubic bone. This made it severely painful to roll over, get up or down off the floor and get out of bed. Now add a very snuggly two-year-old to this mix and I was fairly miserable for the last months of my pregnancy. I was totally done being pregnant, and since my mom and sister were coming in from out-of-state, the doc and I decided to induce me on my due date (the 19th). Plus, my birthday is March 20, and I really did not want to be pregnant on my birthday. My doc was on call on that day, which was a Saturday, so he pulled some strings to get me in that day. We were scheduled for 7:00am, but I got a phone call to come in later at 8:00am. No biggie. I get there and there still aren't any rooms available, so they start my drip in triage. I am currently having zero contractions, but I am dilated 3cm. The contractions begin shortly after I'm started and we're off. They finally get a room ready for me and I wander down the hall and hop in my bed. Let me tell you one thing, though...There is absolutely nothing on TV on Saturday mornings. We ended up watching a the Food Network most of the morning. Whatever.

My contractions came on steadily, but I was handling them fine. The doc came in and broke my water a couple of hours after getting started. Everything is looking fine. They keep asking me to roll over because baby's heart rate was dropping. Horrible pain every time (refer to separated pubic bone). However, the nurse said I was one of her strangest L&D patients because I was at a 6 and pretty well into labor before she could ever tell by my reactions that I was having a contraction. I just get through it easily, I guess.

So it's about 2:30 or so and I'm feeling the pain a bit and I ask the doc to check me and see if I'm still making good progress. If I am then I'll continue with nothing. If I'm not, then I wanted something to ease the pain. I'm at a 7. Not much progress. So he gets me a small dose of something, puts it in the IV and I feel no change. He adds another small dose and I can talk through my contractions again. My friend Leannda then shows up and I get to chat with her since I'm not in as much pain. The nurse comes in totally wondering why I am still awake, because the meds should have knocked me out. Oh well. Leannda leaves about 3:10 or so and I feel an urgent need to push. Doc gets the bed ready and doesn't even check me. He lets me start pushing and realizes I'm not fully effaced and baby is facing head-up. However, since I have THE most AMAZING doctor ever on the face of the planet, in three pushes he is able to push my cervix out of the way and turn baby. In one final push, I get that baby out and we find out his hand has been up by his face this entire time, which had caused his heart rate to drop (and apparently his ear to flatten...don't worry, it fixed itself). Doc cleans him off and hands him to me. The nursery team is busy so I got to hold my baby, sing to him and love on him before anyone else needed to take him. He was beautiful.

We told the doctor we were naming him Cavander and he decided his nickname should be "Caveman". He's funny. The nursery team finally comes in to check him and let us know he's got the longest feet they had seen all day. He was 7lbs 13 oz (exactly what I predicted) and 21 1/4 inches long (I guess 1/4 in longer). I was able to nurse within an hour and a half of him being born and I was able to order food for myself before that. Happy day. They didn't have a room upstairs for me yet, so we all got to hang out in my L&D room undisturbed for a couple hours.

When they finally moved me up I got yelled at by my unit nurse because I got up to go to the bathroom unassisted. Whatever, I didn't have an epidural so I could walk just fine. I felt better after having the baby than I did pregnant. No more pressure on my pubic bone. And I didn't tear, so I was good. Whatever. I only stayed at the hospital until they could check us both out the next morning and I BOOKED IT! I was so done. Our first night home was fabulous. Five hours between feeds and right back to sleep after. We then discovered Cav had jaundice so we got the biliblanket (again) and put him on a two-hour feeding schedule. But it all worked out and now he sleeps 9-10 hours every night, eats, and goes back to sleep for another 3 hours. I love it. He's a dang cute kid and has an AWESOME older brother! Bentley immediately adjusted so well and loves to help take care of his "brudder". Love it!

Now Cav is three months old (tomorrow) and smiles, laughs, talks up a storm, and pulls his legs up in preparation to roll over. He has gotten better with baths and diaper changes. He prefers to fall asleep on his own (totally now how Bentley was and so weird to me). He does get over-stimulated easily, which can be hard when it's noisy in the house. He's growing like a weed and we just love every minute of him in our lives. Bentley recognizes all of his letters by sight. He counts to eleven, skips the number four, and goes back to seven and up to eleven again. Not sure why. He points out a church or the Temple every time we drive by. He makes a gun with his fingers and shots at everything (his father's son). He could live outside all day long, especially if there is water involved and already has a better tan than I do. Unfortunately, he is into EVERYTHING, likes to say "no", and can't sit still for a minute. I love the kid, though. Even when he makes me crazy. I wouldn't trade my boys for anything in the world.

Spence is off school for the summer and working with his brother-in-law doing landscaping. I go back to work next month and am currently training to run a half-marathon in October. I've got a lot of work to do, but having this goal to focus on has made the whole past-preg weight loss thing a little easier. I gained waaaaay too much weight with this pregnancy and have a lot of work to do, but I'm getting there.

Anyway, my life revolves around my boys and that's all there is to it. Love 'em.

Happy Day!!!