-I started this blog before the birth of my first son...in 2008. I have a handful of meaningless posts and still claim that I will get better.
- I have fabric and a pattern in hand for a really cute skirt I would like to make, but every time I look at it and think that I should start it I find something else I need to do.
-I got a BS in Psychology knowing the only thing I could really do with it is go on to grad school and yet, 5 years later, I still have a BS.
-I planned out pages for a quiet book for Bentley that I have yet to start.
-I have two cupcake cookbooks that I would eventually love to make every recipe from. I have made 2. I have had them for 2 years.
There are so many things I would like to say I've done in my life and yet I do nothing about it. I want to be inspirational. I want people to look at me and say, "Wow! I want to grow up to be like her someday." I used to do things with my life and now I'm a mom. And don't get me wrong, I love being a mom. But I want to be Erica again. I used to act, and play music, and sing, and write, and lose weight. Now I struggle to find time to do anything for myself. And when I do find the time, I also find an excuse to do nothing. Or play Minesweeper.
I have a friend right now who is in the process of trying to get published. (BTW, you should totally check her out here.) I have an idea for a book, but it has yet to amount to anything other than ideas in the shower. I have another friend who has run multiple marathons. I am currently training for a half-marathon and am starting to freak out that I may be in WAY over my head. I have a friend at the gym who has lost 118 pounds and kept it off. I lost 20 in college and then gained it back and then some after getting married. Then I lost 35 pounds and got pregnant and gained 60. I am still 50 pounds away from my goal and my baby is 4 months old (ugh). I have so many friends who have done so many things. I look at their amazing photographs and items of clothing they have made or books they have written or amazing cakes they have made etc. etc......And I often just sit and wonder what I have to show for my 26 years of life.
I have an amazing husband and two of the cutest kids in the world, but those are gifts given to me by my Father in Heaven. I didn't really have a ton to do with that. I, with my fabulous BS is Psychology, work at the Kid's Club in a gym. I don't make blankets, I don't knit, I don't do my hair, I feel fat in all my clothing and I generally feel blah about who I am. I need that kick in the pants to be something great. I make lists all the time of things I want to change and who I want to be and what I want to do. Rarely does it amount to anything but that, though. It's just a list. An empty enumeration of things I will probably never do anything with or about. I meet these fabulous people, who probably think they are nothing special, who I would love to be compared to. One day I'd like others to want to be compared to me. I want to be something special. Special because of who I am, not just how cute my kids are. I need to find a special purpose that is mine, selfishly and solely mine. I love my family, but I need this for me. I need to be good at something again and feel important because of who I am and what I do. I need to add "Erica" back to my list of titles.